For [community profile] lastvoyages: Journal Entry 47 [video+spam]

May. 9th, 2012 11:57 am
nolongerhollow: (glare)
[personal profile] nolongerhollow
[private to Castiel]
The hunters have found out about my exorcism thanks to that damned flood.

I need to make certain that they will not be permitted to attend. No one gets to gloat over my suffering.

[Spam for Deck]
Dracula stood at the railing, arms braced on it, body taut and occasionally trembling with the volcano of emotions he was struggling to contain. His eyes stung, and he kept his head down and his bangs in his face in case he embarrassed himself again.

This is my reward for learning to love, and to feel the need for love. To empathize. To feel caring—and loneliness. To feel, in general. All that work, and when I have finally accomplished this thing, I end up…in agony. Because the woman who was the major reason I did this has made it clear she doesn’t want me at all. Because there is no one for me. Because I now know a need like a thirst that can never be slaked, and must live with the knowledge that left to her own devices, even my own wife doesn’t want to be around me.

A low growl of frustration rumbled in his chest. The railing creaked alarmingly under his hands.

Emotions. They are a burden—and they have made me weak!

He swallowed a lump in his throat, feeling bitterness run through him like a poison. But then, slowly, he raised his head. His eyes narrowed, and a look of determination replaced the despair.

I must go back to how I was, before this place broke me. I want my cold pride back, the indomitable state of simply not giving a damn about anyone except myself. I want…to not feel anymore. This place is so short on happiness and positive things that it’s not like I will be missing anything.

I just have to figure out how. I have to remember what it was like, before the losses, before this place, when I was strong and heartless.

He closed his eyes, tried to focus. On the arrogance, the disdain for others, on apathy.

No more pain. No more confusion. Just the soothing winter creeping into my chest. Hollow, again.

I am hollow.

I feel no love, nor fear, nor sorrow—

I am dead.

And dead men shed no tears.

When he finally opened his eyes, some of the light and expressiveness had faded from them already.

private

Date: 2012-05-09 07:13 pm (UTC)
trenchcoatedly: ✪did you make this? (thinking † i can hardly understand)
From: [personal profile] trenchcoatedly
Only those who you desire to be there will be in attendance.

Re: private

Date: 2012-05-09 07:23 pm (UTC)
trenchcoatedly: ✪<lj user=palejewels> (Default)
From: [personal profile] trenchcoatedly
Then that is how it shall be.

[Spam] After discussion with Dean

Date: 2012-05-11 02:35 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: A gauntfaced man shown from collarbone up, gripping the chair he sits in.  Has yellow eyes, scar bisecting left eye. (Chair grab)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
[Stildyne has a new and invigorating combination of feelings that he's never endured together before. On their own, certainly- he's felt like an ass before, and he's been corrosively angry before, but usually the one excludes the other. Now he's left with a bitter well in his stomach, warring with the knowledge that he's been an ass and done no good for himself or anyone else.

He's got a bandage on his hand because of his fine work controlling his temper, too.

He sees Dracula-- registers the look and draws his conclusions all at once.]

Dracula. I'm going to the CES to run for a while. Why don't you come along and shame me properly.

[It's a gruff, sorry excuse for an invitation.]

[Spam] HOW DO TENSES?

Date: 2012-05-11 04:00 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: A gauntfaced man looks sharply to the right of camera. (Derpface)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
[Oh yes. He knows that look. Fresh out of secured medical, that's the look. When what's happened to you, in front of you, was miserable enough that you have to step away from it and leave a shell of yourself standing.

His wife, hadn't it been? Who'd left. And him alone, now, loneliness his burden.

Stildyne only knows two things that could bring him personally back in short order, but Dracula can't drink and in devoted to women.]

Thanks. I know you're faster than me, no shame in that.

[Spam]

Date: 2012-05-11 05:36 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
Don't tease me with innuendo, Count. I'll flutter apart into nothing.

[Stildyne nods to him, and then walks briskly to the door of the CES. The evening run had been going to be challenging, but with Dracula about at least there'll be no chance of twisting his ankle far from the door and having to explain to medical why he's dehydrated as well as sprained. Embarassing.]

[Spam]

Date: 2012-05-11 09:15 pm (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
[Empathy lurches in the depths of Stildyne's sulk. He politely doesn't mention that Dracula seems to be looking out of his eyes from two steps back and one to the right.]

I'm hoping-- ah. [As the door opens, moonlight spilling out, Stildyne grunts approvingly.]

Azanry. I know this one. Good flat terrain if I don't fall into the river.

[Spam]

Date: 2012-05-12 06:14 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
Do they? Well, that's admirably euphemistic. These sound like my sort of folk.

[He settles into an easy jog, a hair slower as he watches his footing in the moonlit grass. The light reflects off the vast cliff face beside them, down onto their fine, grassy alpine meadow-- a foothill rolling so gently and vastly that it's easy enough to run even in the dark.]

[Spam]

Date: 2012-05-12 05:40 pm (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
Culture tends to bounce right off my hide, but I'd give it a try. I'm at loose ends without an inmate to harass these days.

[The mountain-- huge and imposing as it is, not sure if it's Dasidar or one of the other good god immense cliffs-- leaves him feeling a little more calm, although it's really the company bringing him out of his sulk.]

[Spam]

Date: 2012-05-13 12:57 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
Azanry. Not quite Azanry or you'd see solar panels in the valley, the little towns. But something like it. On the real planet...

[He's breathing harder now, but not with difficulty.]

My CMO's family's fortress is up in those mountains somewhere. Spent some time there. And in his private house, down on the plains. I say house. Size of a large spaceport that thing. Present when he was a child. If you can believe it.

Re: [Spam]

Date: 2012-05-13 09:00 pm (UTC)
umgekehrt: A gauntfaced man shown from collarbone up, gripping the chair he sits in.  Has yellow eyes, scar bisecting left eye. (Chair grab)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
Took me straight aback the first time I saw a home that big Everything handmade. So much space for everyone. Servants dressed in clothes worth a month's wages. So many of them.

[A headshake. Unthinkable wealth, for a city-boy from the Core.]

The uniform, Dracula. They spirited my uniform away. Handmade a new one. Fine-spun wool. Lined boots, fit like a glove. Dressed me in clothes worth a year's pay. With never a by your leave. You wouldn't do that to a guest, would you?

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spam backd8

Date: 2012-05-21 12:58 am (UTC)
strangehistorian: (stratholme)
From: [personal profile] strangehistorian
Dracula?

[The wind from her beating wings stirs Drac's hair and clothes as she lands. Chromie is in her dragon shape, and long enough to gently poke her snout at him while her feet are a good seven feet away.]

spam

Date: 2012-05-22 03:58 am (UTC)
strangehistorian: (the regretful)
From: [personal profile] strangehistorian
I was about to ask you the same thing.

spam

Date: 2012-05-22 09:07 pm (UTC)
strangehistorian: (the ancient)
From: [personal profile] strangehistorian
I suppose that's good.

[She tries to smile a little herself.]

You've been standing here for some time. Would you like to come flying?

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nolongerhollow: (Default)
Count Vladislaus Dracula

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